by / August 29th, 2011 /

Jedward – Victory

 1/5 Rating

(Universal)

This time last year, I reviewed two albums for this very website. I gave them both the same rating, a middling score that suggested both could do worse, that both could do better. One was The Suburbs by Arcade Fire, the other Planet Jedward. I accept now that I may have been wrong about the former, but still maintain that Jedward‘s debut wasn’t the worst crime ever committed in the name of music. It was helped by the fact that it was made up completely of covers, many of which struck a chord with those of a certain age.

According to received wisdom, that should have been it and Jedward should have faded into obscurity. Yet here they are, not only back with a second album but having become national heroes with their bizarre and quite charming performance of ‘Lipstick’. Weirdest of all it was quite a good song and opens their second album in boisterous, good natured fashion. It’s also the last moment of any worth on what is a truly awful, awful record. That much might have been expected but what is more surprising is just how their personality – pretty much all they had going for them – has been sucked dry.

Gone are the crap vocals, the camp ‘I’m John, I’m Edward’ interplay, the odd covers. In their place comes the most boring, faceless, identikit pop music that we’ve heard in ages. With nothing along the lines of ‘Teenage Kicks’ to at least sing along to, there really is nothing left. ‘Everyday Superstar’ is desperate to be on the button with its mentions of Lady Gaga and Beyonce but misses the point hideously, yet at least it has something about it to criticise. The rest is so bland that there’s nothing to get worked up about. It even makes you yearn for the good old days of them leaping around to ‘Ghostbusters’, and that’s saying something. Rubbish of course, but worse than that – charmless, boring rubbish.

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