There are two weeks left until Christmas. More precisely, from today you have thirteen days left to get everything you need organised for the big day. The stress is mounting and you’re beginning to feel like a contestant in The Crystal Maze, time is precious to find exactly what you need. If you’re feeling agitated and a little overwhelmed by your festive to-do list then you need to take a moment (preferably with a cup of tea) to be reminded of why we put ourselves through the brain teasers of picking the perfect present and figuring out the science of the figgie pudding. We do it for family and friends, for the memories and the laughs. What is it that makes us laugh each year without fail? Christmas cracker jokes. So, to keep your festive spirits high like Ebenezer Scrooge when he’s flying through the sky with the ghosts of Christmas I thought I’d share with you some of my favourite seasonal jokes.
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
She & Him – ‘Winter Wonderland’ (Columbia)
A Very She & Him Christmas has become the modern day Phil Spector’s seminal, A Christmas Gift For You in its non-irritating gleeful way of celebrating some festive favourites. Five years later and Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward have added to their Christmas repertoire with their newly released, Christmas Party. A different version of ‘Winter Wonderland’ from the one that features on the duo’s latest record is the first single to get everyone in the seasonal mood and what better way to find joy in the most wonderful time of the year than with a winter village of pugs in clothes and capes.
Holy Fuck – ‘Neon Dad’ (Innovative Leisure)
My favourite thing about sitting down to watch the videos released to include in Videos of the Week is being exposed to bands that I may have unintentionally avoided or had misconceptions of. Holy Fuck is one such band that I never gave any time to until I watch their video for ‘Neon Dad’, from the Canadian electronica quartet’s fourth album, Congrats. This is more of a short film than music video delving into a contemporary heroic David following his slaying of Goliath in Los Angeles. The victor finds instant fame and the weird falsehood that follows with social notoriety; girls, parties, drugs and the inevitable downward spiral. The video includes ‘House of Glass’, so it’s a good time if this is an introduction to the band.
Tim Presley – ‘Clue’
Tim Presley is like musical Play-Doh, a single entity that can adapt to a variety of styles to suit his own projects and collaborations. He has worked with Cate Le Bon, Ty Segall, The Fall and The Strange Boys (listen to their song ‘Be Brave’, it’s such an incredible and undervalued piece of contemporary garage). He also set up the label Birth Records which exclusively focuses on the releases of Jessica Pratt. Fortunately, Presley has returned to working on some new solo material that will hopefully mean a new album in 2017.