Dir: Patrick Lussier
Running Time: 104 minutes
Nicholas Cage has proved time and time again that he is absolutely 100% batshit bonkers, be it his castle buying antics or his hilarious attempt at hairpieces, he never ceases to be a source of entertainment. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about lots of his movies. It would be hard to argue against the fact that he is a good actor, however, he makes a lot of bad “I owe the taxman millions” decisions when he gets sent scripts. Couple him with a good and slightly eccentric director and you’ll likely hit cinematic gold, look at Wild At Heart with David Lynch, Raising Arizona with the Coens, Adaptation with Charlie Kaufman and most recently Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans with Werner Herzog. So where does Drive Angry 3D rank? Well, you’ve probably guessed already but if you want a hint, director Patrick Lussier’s previous films were My Blood Valentine 3D, White Noise: The Light and Dracula 2000.
Cage plays Milton, a hard nosed badass who has escaped from hell with the sole purpose of avenging the death of his daughter who was brainwashed and murdered by a group of satanic worshippers. Along with him for the ride is potty mouthed and Peaches-loving Piper (Amber Heard). In hot pursuit is Satan’s helper known only as The Accountant (William Fichtner). Their journey sees them blaze a trail all over America in a stream of bangs, booms, bullets, booze, broads, breasts, blasphemy, burning rubber, breakneck speeds and brain matter splatter.
This could be a lot of fun, it has all the ingredients to a schlocky romp in the vein of Crank or Shoot Em Up – it even pinches the latter’s gunfight sex scene idea. Those movies had their tongue so firmly in cheek that it was likely to burst out the side. Drive Angry 3D, bar a few fleeting moments – like Milton drinking beer out of a skull or a gun called The God Killer – largely fails to be the mindless fun it promises. Sure the 3D literally throws anything it can out at you but where are the cheesy throwaway lines?
Cage as Milton is largely one dimensional and looks rather uninterested in what’s going on around him and Amber Heard is perfectly adequate as the eye candy who can handle herself. It’s William Fichtner though, that steals the show, his character’s mix of charm, smarm and just plain bizarre is perfect for a man who really needs to be in more movies, well good movies.
Drive Angry 3D is watchable, but as a whole it lacks anything memorable. The sight of Cage’s latest follicle enhancement being so close you can almost touch it, does come close though.