Director: Frank Coraci
Cast: Kevin James, Salma Hayek, Henry Winkler
Running Time: 105 mins
Release: 9th November
If you have managed thus far to avoid knowledge of Kevin James’ career, then I’d like to apologise up front for putting an end to that blissful ignorance. More importantly though, you must know that without fail, any film involving him is awful. His continued existence is a crime against humanity. Forget he exists and live a happy life.
If you truly have a masochistic desire to inflict a variety of earthly pains on your eyes, ears and brain then by all means, kill two hours of your life with Here Comes the Boom. But remember that by funding Kevin James’ continued existence you are part of the problem and will be victim of an exacting attrition.
Here Comes the Boom sees James as a high school biology teacher named Scott Voss trying to raise funds for a soon-to-be defunct music programme, run by Henry Winkler. The most sensible way for him to do so is to become a cage fighter. Now, James and his co-writers don’t want you to think that he could actually compete with seasoned UFC professionals, so he’s mostly taking the losing cash to fund The Fonz’s music programme. He does this by training with a Dutch former MMA fighter who he’s helping get his citizenship.
Honestly, the fight scenes aren’t awful, and seeing as they feature James getting seven shades knocked out of him they’re quite enjoyable. However, they feature in a movie so face-punchingly stupid that any small merit is washed away in a sea of dreadful acting, utter cheese and appalling attempts at humour. Far from entertaining, it’s so tediously predictable and unfunny that you almost start feeling bad for the actors. Almost.
If you desperately need your fix of guys punching the living crap out of one another in an octagon shaped ring, there exists a entertaining, engaging movie about a teacher with money issues fighting in the UFC. It’s called Warrior.