by / November 24th, 2015 /

The Perfect Guy

Review by on November 24th, 2015

 1/5 Rating

Director: David M. Rosenthal
Cast: Michael Ealy, Sanaa Lathan and Morris Chestnut
Certificate: 15a
Running Time: 100 minutes
Release Date: November 20th

There is no other way to say this. The Perfect Guy is not a movie. It is a feature length smartphone commercial pathetically disguised as a cheap action thriller.

Probably written on an app called My First Hollywood Script, the only thing less inspiring than the title is the story itself. For that reason alone, I feel very privileged to be reviewing The Perfect Guy (and I need to emphasise the point that the title of this movie actually is The Perfect Guy).

The idea is simple, and gets simpler as the story progresses. Leah is a lobbyist. She loves her boyfriend Dave and you had better believe that he is great with kids. Unfortunately, however, he has no interest in fathering one. Leah on the other hand, longs for a baby, and so decides to end their relationship.

Enter Carter ‘The Perfect Guy’ Duncan. He is sweet. He is a hit amongst her friends, and he is the kind of guy who Dad immediately calls “son”, but, Carter has a secret. He is a sociopath, and as his behaviour becomes increasingly more erratic, Leah runs back to Dave, with their reunion happening atop a mountain overlooking San Francisco.

Jealous of this twist, Carter begins to stalk Leah, before vowing to destroy her. Everything from this point on is a spoiler, but in all earnest, given the fact that the plotline and every word of dialogue is as predictable as what happens when you open a bottle of coke, you can already guess what will ensue.

The only hint of creativity in here is the means by which the smartphone receives screen time. You see, when Dave leaves Leah for a short stint, they replace him with the phone. So for a good half an hour, if Morris Chestnut’s character has any dialogue, he delivers it via text message. It is a win-win, because Dave gets to remain an integral part of the story, while the phone receives credit as one of the leads.

Other than that one aspect, overall, there is nothing else to say. The Perfect Guy has been made one hundred times before. There is nothing special here, nothing visually interesting at all. Heck, if they had filmed the entire thing on the phone (which is celebrated for its supposedly marvellous camera), then I would have been at least a little more sympathetic, but that would entail a risk, and this advert, I can guarantee is about as edgy as a plush ball.

It is the Andrex Puppy of thrillers. It is a commercial. It is a movie called The Perfect Guy.