It’s not all brilliant music and good times at a festival. There’s always the occasional ear-splitting, vomit-inducing act which comes along at the wrong moment and makes the idea of spending a day in a portaloo a much more appealing prospect. Whatever you do this weekend, please adhere to State’s public health warning and you’ll be feeling much better..
1. CRYSTAL CASTLES – Red Bull Arena, Saturday
Forget the fact that they’re one of the bands you’re supposed to like, Crystal Castles are absofuckinglutely awful live. There: we’ve said it and we feel much better now, thank you very much. While some of their recorded output is worthy of your attention, Alice Glass’ mob have got nowhere near mastering the live arena, unless there have been some step-changes since their last visit to these shores.
2. KATY PERRY – The O2 stage, Sunday
State’s vote for the most irritating success story of 2009, Perry is the Californian pastors’ daughter who was described on this very site as a ‘heavily marketed role model for disaffected teens’, whose music stinks of the essence of heavily manufactured cartoon punk.
3. LADYHAWKE – Red Bull Arena, Friday
Perfect for the club, but less successful on a stage, New Zealand’s Pip Brown has thus far failed to translate the shimmering pop of -Paris Is Burning’, -Another Runway’ or -Back Of The Van’ into the live arena. You have been warned.
4. THE SCRIPT – Main Stage, Friday
-We Cry’ and -The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’ may have been massive hits, but singles aside, The Script are decidedly dull, as anyone who saw them support Take That will testify to.
5. RAZORLIGHT – Main Stage, Sunday
Once they were one of the most promising acts in Britain, with starry-eyed indie-pop gems like -Golden Touch’ and -Stumble And Fall’, but now Johnny Borrell & Co. have descended into purveyors of the kind of vapid, insipid faux-rock this side of Dave Matthews. Shudder. They aren’t called Razorshite for nothing..