by / June 24th, 2011 /

Top Story: Weekly Film News: Hobbits, Bridesmaids and the Sex Pest Army

Seriously, what’s better than the movies?

And if you don’t read State’s film news this week you’re pretty much a communist. And in Al-Qaeda. And probably Canadian. And you hate freedom. Why do you hate America???

Creepy homeless Gandalf sits outside Bag End with his hands in his pants…

First pictures from the set of The Hobbit! State can’t honestly believe these movies are going to be any good until Peter Jackson gets fat again. King Kong was a bloated mess because HE wasn’t a bloated mess anymore. And The Lovely Bones needed some meat on its bones because HE didn’t have any. So, Peter, you can get a supersize Snack Box meal with a free Fanta for €5 at Supermacs O’Connell Street for the rest of this month. Five times a day should do it. Get fat again.


Jamie Foxx will be Tarantino’s Django. That’s a bingo?

When original choice Will Smith saw that Quentin’s script for his spaghetti western Django Unchained had no hugging and learning, he was reported to have bellowed ‘OH HHHHHELL NAW!!!’ and taken to the sky using his giant ears as wings. Probably. Almost definitely. And now here comes Jamie Foxx, fresh from his career defining role as Bunz in 1997’s Booty Call, as the title character, alongside Leonardo DiCaprio, Inglourious Basterds’ Christophe Waltz and, true to form, Samuel L. Jackson. We’ll be seeing all these rootin’ tootin’ sonsobitches on Christmas Day 2012.

Your fact for the day: Jamie Foxx’s real name is Eric Marlon Bishop.

It’s Friday, I’m in hate

I can’t stand Sean Penn. He is the emperor of pompous, self-righteous, can-you-see-me-acting-so-terribly-well? Hollywood douchery. I especially liked when that douche was torn apart by two panthers in Team America. But, I like how much I can’t stand him. I feed off it. Like how Brian McFadden feeds off the fat that’s been sucked from Kerry Katona’s gut every month.

So here’s the douche emperor in his douchey new movie This Must Be The Place where is trying to look like a faded douchey rock star. Way to go, douche.

Michael Fassbender wants to bend your mind (and your ass, kinda?)

David Cronenberg’s movies are always gross. Even if they are not about gross things. Something about his casting choices (I’m not sure he has ever hired anyone with a tan), his obsession with transformation and infection, his almost anonymous shooting style, his repulsive sex scenes, and the fact that he looks like a General in the Sex Pest Army. But I’m sure I’ll still go to see his new film A Dangerous Method, which has its first trailer this week, because I keep thinking that THIS will be the David Cronenberg movie that doesn’t make me want to commit tearful necrophilia on a dead clone of myself while a giant ant sucks my brain juice out of my head and vomits it into the mouth of Bela Doyle from Fair City. High hopes indeed.

‘The film centers on the conflict between Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen) and his pupil Dr. Jung (Fassbender). Seduced by the challenge of an impossible case, the driven Dr. Jung takes the unbalanced yet beautiful Sabina Spielrein (Kiera Knightley) as his patient. Jung’s weapon is the method of his master and both men fall under Sabina’s spell…’

Statham! DeNiro! Owen! Punches! PUNCHING!

Even though he had the greatest movie line of 2011, Jason Statham is almost consistently in shite. Killer Elite will likely be shite too, but at least the cast is a letter better than normal. It tells the story of – OH WHO GIVES A SHIT JUST START PUNCHING SOMEONE!!!

Danny Dyer News

We here at State love ourselves a big of cockney wide boy and all round unintentional comedy legend Danny Dyer. This week, when Empire Magazine asked him about Twitter, he dropped a truth bomb like only the Double D can:

‘I’m not into the whole Twitter bollocks…’

Thanks Danny. You and Prince should get together and kill the internet. ‘Ave it!

Trailer Of The Week

Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill and Philip Seymour Hoffman in Moneyball, the story of Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane’s successful attempt to put together a baseball club on a budget by employing computer-generated analysis to draft his players.

Poster Of The Week

As I will never be seeing Cars 2, the next Pixar I’m going to see will be Brave.

This Week State Recommends

It’s not a chick flick and it’s funnier than The Hangover 2.