by / June 10th, 2011 /

Weekly film news: Breaking Deathy Hallow Part 4.0

Aaaaaaaaand, we’re back!

It’s been a few weeks since the last incoming info-noid of State film news and for that we humbly apologise. But you really have no idea what we’ve been through so SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
Ok, let’s do this…

Warner Bros. will erase the Tyson Tattoo for The Hangover 2 DVD…

Do us all a favour and erase the whole movie while you’re at it. I’m so seriously. I truly never wanted to ever have to think about Todd Philip’s foul Xerox of The Hangover again, but the case brought against the filmmakers by Mike Tyson tattoo artist S. Victor Whitmill is just too silly to pass up.

The latest swathe of legal action has resulted in Warner Bros. stating, “If the parties are unable to resolve their dispute, Warner Bros. does not intend to make any use of the allegedly infringing tattoo after the film ends its run in the theaters because Warner Bros. will digitally alter the film to substitute a different tattoo on Ed Helms’s face…’
We’re taking bets on what they choose to replace the Tyson tattoo with. State’s money is a tattoo of a miniature Ed Helms face with a tattoo of a miniature Ed Helms face with a tattoo of a miniature Ed Helms face, and so on. Infinite Helms.

Human Centipede II banned by the Queen. Danny Dyer films still legal?

Effectively ensuring that, literally, millions more people will actually bother to see it now, the British Board of Film Classification has banned the DVD of the follow-up to the last year’s none-more-nasty and none-more-shite The Human Centipede.
Amongst their reasoning are such choice nuggets as ‘…the sequel presents graphic images of sexual violence, forced defecation, and mutilation…’ ‘…a scene where he masturbates whilst he watches a DVD of the original Human Centipede film, with sandpaper wrapped around his penis…’ ‘…he becomes aroused at the sight of the members of the ‘centipede’ being forced to defecate into one another’s mouths, culminating in sight of the man wrapping barbed wire around his penis …’

Well now. Ok, that does sound bad. Like, VIP-area-in-Copper-Face-Jacks Bad.

Breaking Deathy Hallow Part 4.0 has a teaser trailer or something???

Forgive me. I find it very hard to differentiate between adolescent, mega-mass-marketed products based on books I never read nor want to read. But I think Harry Pottsworth is a virgin scarecrow and that a girl won’t let them have sex until he turns into Gandalf or some shit.

Tom Selleck was kinda good as Indiana Jones

It’s taken years to actually see some footage of Tom Selleck in the role he was forced to turn down due to Magnum PI commitments, but finally his screen-test (along with Sean Young as Marion Ravenwood) is doing the rounds. Think of Indiana Jones. He’s pretty cool with the hat and whip and everything huh? NOW MULTIPLY THAT BY MOUSTACHE!

Sasha Baron Cohen has a hilarious beard movie

I can hear it now in the trailer voice: ‘From the best selling novel by Saddam Hussein…’’. Dude, wait, WHAT?

Borat director Larry Charles will be at the helm for a very VERY loose adaptation ‘Zabibah and the King’, an allegorical story about Iraq and Saddam Hussein, set in ancient times and written by the man-mental himself. And by ‘loose’ I mean ‘set in modern times and having Cohen playing a dictator who comes to New York and falls in love…’

‘The Dictator’ is out in 2012.

Fat Tron guy getting booed on America’s Got Talent is still a lot better than Tron: Legacy

Don’t feel bad for fat Tron guy. He loves being fat Tron guy. Sure, fat Tron guy may cry himself to sleep every afternoon and has probably only ever had sex with JPEGs, but look on the bright side…maybe he’s on medication and resisting the urge to kill himself.

Trailer Of The Week:

Ok, so technically this is last week’s news, but I absolutely love the Planet Of The Apes movie and this looks like it may be actually quite decent. Oh, and you suck, Tim Burton.

Poster Of The Week

Ooooooooh saucy. Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig (BOOM!) in David Fincher’s kind of pointless adaptation of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

This week State recommends you go see:

SENNA. Don’t let the Formula One thing put you off. Film of the year.

  • Bo

    VIP-area-in-Copper-Face-Jacks-Bad…hahaaaaaa… Dude you’re FUNNY! ill-advisedly watched human centipede 1.. that nasty shit is just plain wrong. wrong i tellya. icky too. dammit must repress immediately before i’m assaulted with flashbacks nooooo