by / April 8th, 2011 /

Top Story: Weekly Movie News: Bill & Ted return! The not so Bourne Identity! The Green Lantern trailer!

Are you excited? Of course you are! And now I’ll tell you why.

We film nerds – and I say ‘nerds’ with more pride than you can ever imagine – here at State are going to be bringing you a weekly round-up of all that matters in film news, every Friday, until the day you die. That might be tomorrow, that might be in 80 years, but at least when you shuffle off this mortal coil to meet ‘Sky Grandad’ you can punch him right in his face with a fist of FILM NEWS!!!

Jeremy Renner is Jason Bourne (or not, whatever)

Who is Jeremy Renner you say? Well, I’m going to tell you and then you’re gonna be all like ‘Awwwh yeah, thanks Michael!’ You might know Jeremy ‘I Brought My Mom To The Oscars So Now Everyone Thinks I’m Gay’ Renner from his turns as the reckless bomb disposal expert in The Hurt Locker and Ben Affleck’s unhinged best friend bully in last years The Town. Now he’s going to be headlining 4th Jason Bourne adventure ‘The Bourne Legacy’. Except, Jason Bourne isn’t in it. But he’s still alive. Somewhere. And it’s not a reboot. It’s a ‘sidequel’.

‘There will be a whole new hero, a whole new chapter and that this film is a stand-alone project.’ [Latino Review]

Hollywood makes annoying decisions almost every day (ie. re-booting Spiderman, making Tron: Legacy, allowing Judd Apatow to continue making movies) so this badly conceived silliness shouldn’t come as a surprise. So is Bourne going to be texting Not-Bourne with top tips and dirty jokes? Considering the film is only taking its title from the 4th Robert Ludlum Bourne novel, you’d be forgiven for thinking this is cynical studio manoeuvring to milk an already bloated money cow. However, Renner really is an excellent actor and with him being handed the reigns to the Mission: Impossible franchise after he co-stars with the Cruiser in the 4th instalment, it appears we’ve got a new action star in the making. Even if he does look like a tanned – but heavily punched – version of Tim from The Office.

4 Bourne 4 Furious will be directed by Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton) and arrives August 2012. The tragically titled Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol is out December 16th this year.

Bill & Ted 3(probably)D

We all prayed this was a joke when Keanu brought it up a few months ago but now it appears that Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan shall return for a Wyld Stallyns reunion. And there’s a plot and everything bro! The One says “When we last got together, part of it was that Bill and Ted were supposed to have written the song that saved the world, and it hasn’t happened…so they’ve now become kind of possessed by trying to do that.” [Via MTV News]

Keanu still looks good – even when he’s sitting on bench eating sad sandwiches – but Alex Winter (Ted) looks like this now. Nobody can seriously be writing a movie for that guy.

Arnold will be back (sorry)

He’s been saying it his whole career so it shouldn’t really be a surprise, but the fact that it’s an animated collaboration with comic book icon Stan Lee called The Governator…well, no you couldn’t have guessed that, unless you were smoking crack from a cat skull while watching the Predator DVD menu on loop.

Jerry Bruckheimer is making Pirates 5 even though I specifically asked him not to

Much like Charlie Sheen, Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow was funny for about 45 seconds. But director Gore Verbinski and mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer managed to stretch those 45 seconds over 3 movies that made Georges Lucas’ Star Wars prequels look restrained and disciplined by comparison. Just to be clear, the Star Wars prequels are the work of the devil himself. Catch my drift?

So, as we wind up to the release of the 4th – damn you Sky Grandad!!! – Pirates flick, Brucky says ‘“As long as the audience embraces this one, we’ll certainly try to make another one. It’s really up to Johnny. He loves the character.’ So we’re never going be rid of this crusty dipso. I bet he smells like bin juice, too.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (in extra money making 3-D) is out 20th May. Chicago’s Rob Marshall takes over directing duties.

Shut it! It’s the Sweeney movie you mugs!

Director Nick Love (Football Factory, The Business) has always had a hard-on for ‘shouting and shooters’, so a big screen up date of the 70’s Brit TV show must be a dream come true for this potty-mouthed geezer. It’s surprising Love was given the job, considering his last film, 2007’s Outlaw, was one of the worst reviewed films of the naughties. Not surprising is that Gangster No. 1 himself, Ray Winstone, will be stepping into the lead role, with Ben Drew, otherwise know as musician Plan B, as his partner. Somewhere Danny Dyer is crying, fully clothed, in the shower.

Four minutes of The Green Latern. When it comes out, you can go to the toilet and miss NOTHING!

Last year when the first Green Lantern footage was released, the fanboys we’re enraged because it looked ridiculous. Well, who’s laughing now you bag of bastards!!!

Trailer of the week:

Joseph Gordon Levitt is Hesher. In his pants.

This weekend State recommends you go see:

Source Code. Silly fun, but with a beating heart at it’s centre.

Poster Of The Week:

Terence Malick’s Tree Of Life is the most beautiful film you haven’t seen yet.

  • RonanC

    Awwwh yeah, thanks Michael!

  • adam

    The world is a better place for this having been written:

    “….unless you were smoking crack from a cat skull while watching the Predator DVD menu on loop”