by / February 26th, 2010 /

Win tickets to the Choice Music Prize

Now in its fifth year, the Choice Music Prize for 2010 will be announced in Vicar Street next Wednesday the 3rd of March from 7.30pm sharp. The live event runs in tandem with the judging process which takes place in a locked room nearby where 12 media guys and gals will be trying to decide the best Irish album of the year for 2009. While that is happening, the bands nominated will be playing short live sets before the announcement.

Out of the 10 nominated acts the following will be performing: And So I Watch You From Afar, Codes, Adrian Crowley, Dark Room Notes, The Duckworth Lewis Method, Julie Feeney, Valerie Francis and The Swell Season (full band). Only Laura Izibor and Bell X1 cannot play on the night.

State is delighted to have two pairs of tickets to giveaway to two readers to the live event. In keeping with the spirit of this Choice-related video, all you have to do is tell us a joke in the comments below. The two best jokes (deemed by a State panel of course) will win a pair each. Closing date is Tuesday 2nd March at noon. Here’s how not to do it:

  • As a writer,I’m probably excluded but this joke should be known by all…
    Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: “Saul, sell your business.” He ignores it. It goes on for days. “Saul, sell your business for $3 million.” After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas.” He asks why. “Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas.” He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, “Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand.” He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. “Saul, take a card.” What? The dealer has — “Take a card!” He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. “Saul, take another card.” What? “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. “Saul, take another card,” the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!” booms the voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The voice goes: “un-fucking-believable!”

  • How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

  • Kieron Sexton

    What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?

    Dam.

  • Abe

    There’s 2 eggs in a pan

    One says to the other “Sorry mate, do you have the time?”

    and the 2nd says WOW A TALKIN EGG!!!!!

  • Brian

    A very wealthy couple left their lovely home to go for a meal with friends one evening. Halfway through the night, the wife exclaimed that she wasn’t feeling well and so returned home alone. Their butler, Jeeves, was the only soul in the house when she returned, and the wife found him in her room.
    ‘Jeeves’ she said ‘Take off my shoes’
    Jeeves nervously took off her shoes
    ‘Now Jeeves, take off my dress’
    Jeeves took off her dress slowly
    ‘OK Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again we’re firing you’

  • Who’s the nicest guy in a hospital?

    The ultra-sound guy.

    Who covers when he’s on holidays?

    The hip-replacement dude.

  • Conor

    Carlsberg don’t do hurling teams, but if they did….

    Kilkenny would beat the shite out of them.

  • Two dolphins eating a cannibal, one turns to the other and says “Eeeee Eee Eeee”

  • The Vicar’s Ass

    The Vicar entered his donkey in a race and it won.

    The Vicar was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

    The local paper read:
    VICAR’S
    ASS OUT FRONT.

    The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
    publicity that he ordered
    the
    Vicar not to enter the donkey in another race.

    The next day the local paper headline
    read:
    BISHOP
    SCRATCHES
    VICAR’S
    ASS.
    This was too much for the Bishop so he
    ordered the Vicar to get
    rid
    of the donkey.

    The Vicar decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

    The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
    the following headline
    the
    next day:

    NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

    The Bishop fainted.

    He informed the Nun that she would have to
    get rid of the donkey so
    she
    sold it to a farmer for €10.
    The next day the paper read:

    NUN
    SELLS ASS FOR €10.

    This was too much for the Bishop so he
    ordered the Nun to buy back
    the
    donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
    wild.

    The next day the headlines read:

    NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
    The Bishop was buried the next day.

    The moral of the story is . . . being
    concerned about public opinion
    can
    bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
    life.

    So be yourself and enjoy life.

    Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and
    you’ll be a lot happier
    and
    live longer!

  • Jade

    what’s brown and sticky?

    A stick 🙂

  • A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, “why the long face?”

    *da-dum-dum-tish*

  • Shannon

    What did the Dalai Lama say at the hotdog stand?…

    make me one with everything 🙂

  • Maria

    Why doesn’t J.Z own an ice-cream van?
    Because he has 99 problems..

  • Sarah Holian

    Welcome to the Church of Vegtables, Lettuce pray.

  • Nicola O’Connell

    Two men meet in a pub. One says to the other, “Do you know the joke about Brian Cowen having to leave office and become a lavatory attendant?” “No,” says the second. “Neither do I,” says the first, “but I just like the way it starts.”

  • Aisling

    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element he understood was the element of surprise.

  • Neil

    Did you hear about the magic tractor?

    It turned into a field!

  • Bryan O’Hanlo

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

  • Brian

    What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    Nacho Cheese!

  • Laura

    How many music fans does it take to change a lightbulb??

    It’s an obscure number, you probabaly wont have heard of it……

  • Laura

    Oops- bad spelling- I meant probably…

  • two biscuits walking down the road, one says to the other, “where do you live?”, the other says, “I’m not telling you, you’ll rob me washing”

  • Tony

    A toothless termite walked into a bar, Vicar Street for example, and asked, “Is the bar tender here?”

  • neil

    Why do communists only drink herbal tea? Because Proper-Tea is theft!

  • Cian

    – Knock Knock
    * Who’s there?
    – Fianna Fáil election candidate.
    * Fianna Fáil election candidate who?
    – Fianna Fáil election candidate who can f*ck off right now!

  • Jen Mullane

    Why did the leprechaun wear two condoms? To be sure to be sure.

  • Gerry Brady

    2 Irish guys are on Bondi Beach learning to surf and are pissing about and not paying attention.

    The instructor who is Australian asks them angrily what they would do if the surf was bad.

    The Irish guy quickly quipped back “Lever Brothers would give me my money back”.

  • MJ

    What did the beaver say to the tree when they got divorced?

    it was nice gnawing you

  • MJ

    What did meatloaf’s wife say to meatloaf?

    Sit down and shut up ya fat fuck

  • Gerry Desmond

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
    While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants s*x, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
    To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”

  • Kim V

    What did the zero say to the eight?

    ‘Ooh, I love your belt.’

  • Sinéad

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    Because it was dead

  • Tom R

    The balloon family are in bed, during the night there’s a thunder storm and the baby balloon is scared so he goes to his parents room and tries to squeeze in their bed.

    It’s tiny so he lets some air out of his dad but still can’t get in so he lets some air out of his mum but he still can’t get in.

    Desperate needs, he lets a lot of air out of himself and then fits in.

    In the morning his dad is furious.

    He says “Son you’ve let me down, you’ve let your Mum down, but most of all you’ve let yourself down”.

  • Sarah Kelly

    Q. What’s pink and fluffy?
    A. Pink fluff

  • Kim V

    This is very naughty. It’s an old joke, from Monty Python.

    What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

    Dung..

  • Katrina

    A chicken walks into a library & asks for a buck.
    So, the librarian gives him a book.
    The next day, the chicken walks back into the library & asks for… 2 bucks.
    The librairian gives him 2 books.
    On day 3, the chicken goes into the library & asks for 3 bucks SO the librarian decides to give the chicken the 3 “books” but decides to follow the chicken home.
    He wanders behind the chicken & he see the chicken give his books to a frog… and the frog simply says…. readit 😉
    Dah-dah!

  • How do you make Lady GaGa cry?
    Poke her Face!!!

  • Conor McCaffrey

    What’s brown and taps on your window?

    A nosey oul’ shite

  • Kim V

    ha ha ha.. this is the best competition ever.

  • A chicken and an egg were having sex. Afterwards the chicken lies back, lights a cigarette and says “I guess now we know the truth”

  • Amy Buckley

    What goes ‘HA HA…BONK!’???

    a man laughing his head off!

  • Amy

    Will I Win these Tickets?
    No way hosea